Manny and Papi

I hate to have it be the first topic of my first real post.  But I guess that's where we're at now in the American pastime.  Manny and Papi (who are expecting this fall I believe) were named today as individuals who were in the 2003 sacred scroll of positive testers.  This document is like the board game in the movie Jumanji; it seems that whenever we open it, a goddamn elephant runs out and shits all over our fun.  Metaphor aside, finding out that Manny and Papi supposedly juiced brings up a host of issues, which I will now run through, defeated house wife grocery store list style:

1. Eeny Meeny Miny Mo, undermine our judicial system by the toe

The grab bag style that the names are being revealed seems just a little bizarre, inappropriate, and illegal.  Remember when Paul Byrd was pitching for the Indians against the Red Sox, and the night before his start, it was revealed Byrd was in the Mitchell Report?  Remember how George Mitchell is a minority owner of the Sox?  This is the template we're running with.  The thing they won't tell us is that everyone with a little bit of insight in the MLB knows who did what.  We as a nation understand that steroids are now, for better or worse, an inextricable part of baseball's history.  And if we don't understand it, it's about time we took our head's out of the proverbial clouds and accept what has happened.  Rip the band aid off as quickly as possible.  This trickle of information will only prolong the pain that the juiced era will cause baseball. 

2. Just say it

At the World Wide Leader, I noticed an article that suggested that Ortiz betrayed our trust and that we misplaced our faith in him.  But really, at this point, is there anyone in the game who you would be genuinely surprised to learn used steroids?  Not when guys look like this: 

 

For those of you who don't know who that is, it is none other than Gabe Kapler.  But in all seriousness, Manny, Papi, future player who will be named, don't lie to us.  Manny, Papi, dos malos no hace un derecho (trans. two wrongs don't make a right).  You've been caught.  Don't tell us you were surprised to find out?  Surprised?  Did you spend a weekend in Miami with Darryl Strawberry, have a few too many 7&7's, and black out before Radomski could fill his hands with your ass?  Probably not.  You say you didn't realize that cream/pill/needle was steroids?   What's that, you didn't think to ask your trainer what was in those supplements, when your entire career is dependent upon making your body healthy?  Those questions just slipped through the dreads, Manny?  You've already lied once, don't do it again.  

3. S&M for the steroid user

Kinky.  But what punishment should they receive?  Hall of Fame?  True, the 2003 list predates any punishment for those caught doping (which, for the record, is pretty funny).  But should we suspend them now?  Well, no.  Not that these guys won't face their own punishment.  Look, the argument that if everyone was using them, why didn't everyone break Marris' record?  So go ahead, put Mac, Slammin', Barry, et. al. in the Hall.  But underneath their faces, a large disclaimer that reads, "Tested Positive For Steroids" should be required.  If we honor a player's career, do so by his numbers.  If a player has numbers Hall worthy, let him in.  But we judge a player's legacy based upon what he did both on and off the field.  Basically, let them in the nightclub, but make them sit in the corner with a neon sign that says, "I have crabs."  If we keep them out of the Hall, we will lose the lessons of this time. 

4. He's Selig Away

If a boss discovers that for the past three decades, his employees have been misleading the shareholders, he or she would probably be forced to resign.  So, if Mr. Selig oversaw what may become the largest scandal in sports history, he should be forced to step down.  It is important for baseball to syphon out all of the bad blood of the steroid era.  And the first step should start at the top.  Selig knew what was going on for most of the time.  He is either out of touch with his clientele, or is just without morals.  Don't forget, he made a fair amount of money during this whole ordeal.  He made $18.35 million last year.  Maybe he should be donating that to help in increased awareness of what steroids can do.  He can start by buying plane tickets, and visiting every family who has lost a teenager to steroid-related deaths.  The man, and his toupee, need to leave, now.  

So, in conclusion:

Look, it happened.  Like the Dollar Menu, Lindsay Lohan, and the movie Gliter, it happened, and we're just going to have to live with the consequences.  Putting our tails between our legs and banishing these dopes for doping will not help avoid this from happening again.  Make these guys wear their scarlet syringe for all to see.  Make sure that the shame of being caught doping will outweigh the benefits.  And no more of this random drug testing.  It amazes me that Major League Baseball still refuses to get serious.  Mandatory testing for every player at the end of every month, and throughout the offseason.  Hey, you're getting paid $20 million, you can find some time in your schedule to piss in a cup.  Hire independent labs to confirm every test.  It's expensive, but we can scoop in and take some of Selig's salary to pay for the expenses.  If you're caught, first time violators miss an entire season.  2nd time, and you're done.  And none of this Manny playing rehab the entire time.  That suspension prohibits any baseball activities that have any relation to Major League Baseball.  We're even talking no officially licensed balls to play catch with.  If the player's union has a problem, I think there's about 30 years worth of destruction to this game that will insist that these steps are necessary. Basically, close the mile wide loopholes that players still continue to find.  Nothing in baseball today is more important.  

And as for Manny and Papi, well, you guys blew it.  The ride was fun I'm sure, but you're done now.  You have brought shame down on yourselves, the Boston Red Sox, and Major League Baseball.  This isn't just Manny being Manny.  This is so much worse.